Report: Chicks Pick Slick Dick Flicks

Good news, everyone; more women are watching more pr0n!

Actually, that’s not good news, because if women are watching more pr0n, they have less use for us.

It’s that time of year: when we look at what kind of porn everyone watched last year.

Both Pornhub and xHamster have recently unveiled year-in-review reports for 2017. And while much of it is far from surprising (people like cheerleaders, can you believe it?), one finding consistent across both reports further confirms what many have known all along: Women are watching more porn.

Let’s start with Pornhub. Its 2017 report notes that 28.5 billion people visited the site last year. The number one search among those billions of users? That’d be “Porn for Women,” a term that saw 359 percent growth among female users between 2016 and 2017. Among overall users, the phrase saw a 1,400 percent increase year over year.

That’s hot. For the record, however, I’m not a huge fan of cheerleaders. My preferences revolve around waitresses and naughty schoolmarms.

You Can’t Spell Furious Without F.U.

jennifer-aniston-office-spaceA study focusing upon men’s and women’s language choices has revealed something rather interesting: British women are now using the F-word more often than men.

Of course, with our luck most women are probably using it to describe their partner than using it as a request.

An academic study has discovered that women now use the F-word more in their daily lives than men. And after amassing around 10 million words researchers concluded that women have become champs of the swearing stakes.

Data from the 1990s suggested men used the F-word 1,000 times per million words and their female counterparts just 167.

However over the past two decades women’s use of the F-word has increased by more than 500 per cent. As of 2014 women use the word 546 times per million words whereas men use it 540 times.

That’s pretty f**king amazing! I wonder how many women – and men – will be dropping F-bombs if a certain bloated, drunken, brain damaged Democratic candidate is elected president tonight.

Let Bi-Gones Be Bi-Gones

Sofia Loren And Mamie Van DorenAttention single guys: if you think the dating pool is a hot mess now, wait until you read this little info nugget.

A new British study claims women – all women – are either gay or bisexual, but never straight. Wow, this completely explains pre-marriage love life.

Most women are either bisexual or gay but “never straight”, a study suggests. Research has found that though lesbians are much more attracted to the female form, most women who say they are straight are in fact aroused by videos of both naked men and naked women.

The study, led by Dr Gerulf Rieger from the Department of Psychology at the University of Essex, involved 345 women whose responses to being shown videos of naked men and women were analysed.

The results, which were based on elements such as whether their pupils dilated in response to sexual stimuli, showed that 82% of the women tested were aroused by both sexes. Meanwhile of the women who identified as straight, 74% were strongly sexually aroused by videos of both attractive men and attractive women.

While this is welcome news when thinking about someone like Giada de Laurentiis, it is less exciting when imagining Joy Behar.

I would appreciate it if the ladies of the O.K. Corral could set us guys straight, so to speak. Is this study a bunch of nonsense, or are we wasting our time coming on to you?