Men At Work

Well, it’s been six days since my cyst extraction, and while I still have another week before the (blue) stitches can be removed, I am attempting to return to work this evening.

Why, you ask? Well, partially because I don’t want to take two weeks’ worth of sick time, and partially because I am going stir crazy at home. The doctor said I can’t bend over for a few days, I can’t walk or jog, I can’t sleep on my right side, etc., etc. In short, all I can do is sit down at the TV, computer, or by a window like Grandpa Simpson.

Now while that may seem like a dream to many of you, my personality – certifiably crazy and hopped up on Mountain Dew – will not allow me to do that. I’ve been trying to do things around the house, and after fifteen minutes I get dizzy. I go outside to trim bushes or pick things up and the headaches start. I figure if I go to work and sit at my desk, I’ll be following doctor’s orders. More or less.

So I’m giving it the old college try, and if – or when – I start feeling awful, you’ll all know you were right and I was wrong.

Besides, Julia accidentally sneezed into my stitches Friday night, so work can’t be much more unsanitary.

Point Break


This may sound like a whining post – well, it IS a whining post – but to be fair, I am going to whine about all my crap at once, then never try to mention it again. So either bear with me, or wait a bit until the next post. Your choice.

First off, I have been very sick for almost a week now. I am recovering from a bout of the shingles, and I have the actual flu. Not flu symptoms, or a cold, the ass-kicking flu. The only good health news I’ve received this week was my yearly skin cancer screening was negative.

Work has been a nightmare these past few weeks. It’s not due to the crime or the criminals, but due in part by my coworkers. It seems everyone has decided to adopt Homer Simpson’s “Can’t Someone Else Do It?” mantra. Many of the detectives in my squad show at least a half hour late every day – if they show up at all – and when they do, they spend more time bitching about jobs, complainants, or supervisors than they do solving crimes.

Now I’m not the model employee by any stretch of the imagination, but I am always at work on time – usually early – work my ass of while I’m there, and rarely use sick or vacation time. (The last two days notwithstanding, since I am actually very sick.) I’m tired of the whining, tired of the lackadaisical attitudes, and tired of being the only responsible person in the building.

But wait, there’s more…

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Sedated In The 80’s

Summer Heat

Yesterday I experienced one of those days where I just wanted to scream, “If you people don’t leave me the f**k alone I would personally be shocked, SHOCKED I tell ya, if by morning this place ain’t burned to the ground!”

It started innocently enough, as I walked to my desk to find it was eighty f**king degrees in the building! Now I don’t mind working up a good sweat by walking, playing lacrosse, or slipping some lucky gal the pickle, I would rather not sweat when I f**king type!

So after I sopped up the sweat from my butt-crack, my sergeant approached me and told me I would not be going to the pistol range tonight because I am apparently too valuable an employee. (A sentiment never uttered in my direction in forty-seven years.) The other detective who works the front desk took a day off to see a classic rock concert – I think Hot Tuna is headlining – so I cannot be awarded the stress relief of firing a few hundred rounds at targets I imagine are the people who annoy me.

Namely, you guys.

So tonight is going to suck, and I will be more irascible than ever. If that’s even possible.

After I was denied my opportunity for range time, the 39th District called stating they had a founded shooting. Five minutes later, it was determined to be a double shooting, and ten minutes after that, a triple. For all I know, they are still finding victims of the carnage. So we had that going for us, which is nice.

Oh, and before you think yesterday was a bad day, look what I found Monday…

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Under Pressure

Angry Krusty The ClownYou may have noticed I have not been commenting here as often as usual, and some posts have not up to their normal brilliant standards. Part of the reason is because coaching takes up all my free time. I leave work, go right to school, and finally get home around 8pm. Part of the reason is because this has been the week from Hell – and it’s only Thursday.

I spent my Monday morning being interviewed at Internal Affairs because people are douchebags. When I returned to work afterward, the office temperature read 81 degrees. Because really, who doesn’t like to baste in their own juices until their internal thermometer – in this case, my bellybutton – pops?

Monday evening fared better, as Kyle’s lacrosse team beat George Washington by a score of 14-0…

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