Maybe The Wuhan Virus Isn’t So Bad?

While the Chinese Wuhan Virus has taken a severe toll on the American people and the overall economy, there has been some collateral damage which has tickled me pink: namely, the collapse of Disney.

Disney has taken Mulan off the theatrical release calendar amid the ongoing pandemic and a surge in COVID-19 cases across the U.S.

Disney didn’t provide further comment regarding Mulan’s fate beyond saying that the live-action adventure epic was being undated. While the company has been a champion of the theatrical experience, it is also investing heavily in its new streaming service, Disney+.

I’m sure people purchased Diesny+ but I don’t personally know anyone who did. I certainly would not give them my money.

The Mulan news is a blow for theater owners, who were counting on playing both that film and Christopher Nolan’s Tenet upon reopening. Earlier this week, Warner Bros. took Tenet off its Aug. 12 release date and said the film will get a staggered release globally, versus waiting for all markets to reopen.

Mulan was among numerous changes made to Disney’s release calendar. All currently scheduled Avatar and Star Wars films are being delayed by a year. Avatar 2 moves from Dec. 17, 2021, to Dec. 16, 2022; Avatar 3 moves from Dec. 22, 2023, to Dec. 20, 2024; Avatar 4 from Dec. 19, 2025, to Dec. 18, 2026; and Avatar 5 from Dec. 17, 2027, to Dec. 22, 2028.

Four Avatar sequels? What are you people on dope? And to think, I was so looking forward to not seeing all of those films!

Finish Him!

With the exception of the infected numbers game, most stories concerning the Chinese Wuhan Virus have revolved around strip clubs, their reopenings, and the precautions taken to protect people form the Wu-Flu, but not from crabs, herpes, or knocking up a dancer.

You’ll be able to see a lot at the Magic Lantern, now that the longtime strip club on Route 20 has reopened. But you won’t see a topless dancer without a face mask on, said Christopher Brunelle, manager at the club.

Now ever our butterfaces can make money!

Six-foot distances will always be enforced.

Not a problem for me if you know what I mean…

The capacity has been reduced to just 50 people from 200. Only one entertainer on stage at a time— no private dances. These are all accommodations Brunelle, whose wife Kimberly, bought the club in March, has made to reopen under Gov. Charlie Baker’s phased reopening plan.

There was no seating at the bar or at the stage when it reopened Thursday night.

Probably a good idea, since it’s more difficult to see some lecherous guy “yanking his doodle, it’s a dandy” in a darkened booth.

Goodbye Boulder Holders?

The Chinese Wuhan Virus has, at least temporarily, changed they way most of us live our lives. We’re re-calibrating our patterns and habits, as well as changing some things ingrained into our psyche. Some wwomen, in particular, have decided it’s time to eliminate the bra.

Lockdown has changed a lot of things about the way we present ourselves to the world, and for many women, ditching their bra has been a particularly popular one. “I just don’t see bras making a comeback after this,” tweeted the Buzzfeed writer Tomi Obaro in May. Her tweet has been “liked” more than half a million times. The feminist satire website Reductress ran a headline last week reading: “Bra furlough extended.”

Bras are often considered to be a necessary, but unwelcome, contraption.

Ay, there’s the rub. (Phrasing.) While I’m certain underwire bras are not comfortable – I’m more of a sports bra guy – this conundrum is a catch-22. Most guys would be all for 20-somethings going braless, but the flip side of that coin is watching your elderly 70-year old woman gardening in her tank top.

No. Thank. You.

It’s Time To End This Sham

It has been nearly four months since the politicians shut down the country due to the Chinese Wuhan virus. Since that time, we’ve learned a lot about the virus, the mortality rate, and the left’s desire to continue the lockdown until November 4th. Stanford’s disease chairman is not stating the mortality rate for the Wu-Flu is between 0.05 and 0.3% for those under age seventy.

Stanford University’s disease prevention chairman slammed using statewide lockdown measures as a response to the coronavirus, saying they were implemented based on bad data and inaccurate modeling.

“There are already more than 50 studies that have presented results on how many people in different countries and locations have developed antibodies to the virus,” Dr. John Ioannidis said during a recent interview with Greek Reporter.

“Of course, none of these studies are perfect, but cumulatively, they provide useful composite evidence. A very crude estimate might suggest that about 150-300 million or more people have already been infected around the world, far more than the 10 million documented cases.”

Obviously if you’re seventy or over, or if you have health problems, by all means, wear a mask. That said, I think it’s patently obvious this virus is not the Armageddon event the media has been claiming.

Ioannidis pointed out the mortality rate is low among young people who have contracted the virus.

“The death rate in a given country depends a lot on the age structure, who are the people infected, and how they are managed,” Ioannidis said. “For people younger than 45, the infection fatality rate is almost 0%. For 45 to 70, it is probably about 0.05%-0.3%. For those above 70, it escalates substantially.”

If 2020 was not an election year, the Wuhan Virus hysteria would have ended in April and everyone would be living their lives again. (Remember, no one in the media ever discusses flu deaths in America. Ever.) It’s high time people put the politics aside and start opening up the economy before it;s too late.

I Walk (And Jog) The Line

It’s been a while since I posted about my morbid obesity, so why not post an update during a lazy dog-danglin’ afternoon?

The bad news is the Wuhan Virus has closed my local gym, and I haven’t been there since early March. I’ve had a membership at Planet Fitness since last July, and I was going every other day to lift weights and hit the treadmills. On the off days I would walk or jog at least four miles every day, and my weight fluctuated between 180-185 pounds. It’s the lightest I’ve been in nearly thirty years. Life was good.

Then the Chinese screwed all of us. The gym closed – and will be closed until at least August – and the stress of all this led to bad eating habits. So yeah, thanks Governor Wolf. You prick.

The good news is I snapped out of the funk in April, and decided if I can’t get to the gym – I REALLY need my gym – I’ll find other outlets. Thank Vishnu I like to walk/jog.

To date, I have completed 76 workouts for a total of 295 miles this year. (It’s tracked by the Map My Walk app.) Recently I have been doing less walking and more jogging/running, and my endurance is top-notch. Yes, I would like to alternate with weight training, but all things considered, I’m doing well.

As of today, I am sitting at 187 pounds; a two pound gain since March 16th, and still under my kill zone of 190. I never want to go above 190 ever again.

So yeah, the gym would have me closer to 180, but I’m doing pretty well without it right now. I’m still a 34-inch waist, and while I could use plenty of tone, I am fairly happy with how I feel.

I mean, I’d like to be the kid pictured above again, but that’s never going to happen.

Last Bango In Vancouver

The Health Officer of British Columbia has warned her fellow Canucks to protect themselves after patrons of a nudie bar caught the Wuhan Virus. Honestly, it that’s all they caught, I’d call it a good day.

Provincial Health Officer Dr. Bonnie Henry said news of COVID-19 exposure at Brandi’s Exotic Show Lounge should serve as a reminder that British Columbians need to stay vigilant about preventing spread of the disease.

During Monday’s daily briefing, Henry said another 26 new cases of COVID-19 have been confirmed in B.C. since Friday, but no more deaths have been reported.

Henry urged Brandi’s patrons to watch for symptoms of the novel coronavirus if they visited the downtown Vancouver strip club on the nights of June 21, 22, 23 and 24. To date, three people have tested positive in connection with exposure to the virus at Brandi’s on those dates.

Dr. Henry also encouraged the patrons to stop by on the weekends between 5pm and 7pm, where she will be showcasing her talents, and explaining proper mask use while giving lap dances.

Adult Films Are Going Bare Bones

Like the election of President Trump, the Wuhan Virus has exposed many institutions once thought necessary for the continued success of this country. The virus exposed the uselessness of college – why pay $50,000 a year when you can take Zoom classes? – the partisan hypocrisy of state and local politicians during an emergency, and the bloated hierarchy of the adult film industry.

Adult performers are entering a new era of awareness—and their empowerment may shape the future of porn. When COVID-19 shut down the adult entertainment industry, performers fell back on many of the things they were already doing, creating and selling content directly to their fans.

Realizing professional porn isn’t necessary for a lucrative career, many performers are now making even more money in a safe environment they control. For as many options as porn performers have, the directors of porn (who are not also talent themselves) have far less. Where directors and companies fit in a post-COVID-19 world may very well be dictated by adult performers.

It’s no stretch to assume most adult film stars already know the basics of directing, and honestly, how hard is it – phrasing – to write lines for a pr0n film?

“Good morning, ma’am, I’m here to fix your clogged pipes.” *Bow Chicka Wow Wow*

The virus tore the mask off thousands and thousands of useless players in entertainment, business, and government. It will be nice to see the get their comeuppance.

Paging Dildo Baggins…

The Wuhan Virus lockdown is hurting everyone; especially lonely, horny Colombians locked in their homes. (This is an older story, but I thought it was interesting enough to post now.)

While most Colombian businesses suffer during a five-week lockdown meant to curb the spread of the coronavirus, one online industry has seen an explosion in sales in the usually conservative country: sex toys are flying off virtual shelves.

“Sales started going up on day four of the quarantine,” said Monje, who is still able to have products delivered to customers amid the national lockdown. “We’ve seen a rise of 50%.”

Is that a rise in online sales or a rise in people’s pants?

“People are at home and have more time on their hands. They’re with their partners or alone and need fun in their daily activities when it comes to being intimate,” Monje said.

For me, those instances usually translate into sitting on the couch – sans pantaloons – with a PlayStation 4 controller, a C-3P0 mask, and a two-gallon jar of lard.

PA Makes A Run For The Border

Leftist Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf does not receive a lot of national press, but he is arguably one of the worst five governors in America.

Herr Wolf has adopted a Draconian stance on the Wuhan Virus lockdown, and while people in Pennsylvania are suffering, they occasional go over the wall… toward Ohio.

An Ohio restaurant has named Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf their “employee of the month” after a business boom. Erie News Now reports that Breakwall BBQ say that they’ve had hundreds of customers cross the border to eat at their restaurant.

While the restaurant owner claims the title is tongue-in-cheek, it speaks volumes about Herr Wolf’s actions during the pandemic, and residents’ feelings toward him.

“A lot of people from Pennsylvania who wanted to get out of of their houses got out of their houses and came and visited us,” owner Mike Morgan said.

Erie County continues to be in the “yellow phase.” The owners say they’ve broken sales records, and a big chunk of it is Pennsylvanians.

Expect all these Pennsylvanians to be charged by Herr Wolf and his Stasi in the next few weeks.

Heidi, Heidi, Heidi, Ho

A Minnesota woman allegedly lost her Scandinavian composure last month when she refused to wear a mask while shopping. Wow Minnesota, you really have outshined yourselves of late.

Heidi Ruth Mueller, 35, last month sought to enter a Menards home improvement store near her home in North Mankato, a city 80 miles from Minneapolis.

When Mueller attempted to walk into the business, an employee instructed her she “needs a mask to shop at the store per store policy.” Mueller then “quarreled briefly” with the worker before grabbing the man’s face and pulling his mask down.

Considering authorities sat back and allowed Antifa and Black Lives Matter destroy the city of Minneapolis, I assume pulling down an employee’s mask is akin to littering.

After a second worker intervened and told her to leave, Mueller slapped the first employee “in the face and ripped his mask off before throwing the mask in the garbage,” cops say. She then “fled to the parking lot and left.”

Obviously, I’m not defending Heidi here, but slapping someone in the face and tossing their mask into the garbage is little more than simple assault. It’s effectively a summary citation at best. Ban Heidi from the store, stand fast on the mask rule, and put up a sign which reads, “No Fat Chicks.”

(Yuuuge thanks to Misanthropic Humanitarian at AOSHQ for the linkage!)